Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love

Above all else, adopt an attitude of kindness. Make it your highest priority to practice it every day. Kindness is one of the primary ingredients in nourishing a warm feeling between two people. In fact, it can be the centerpiece of your entire relationship. It does everything from keeping you close and connected when all is well, to keeping arguments from turning into fights. Being genuinely kind is not about smiling when you don't feel like it or acting cheerful when you're low. Rather, it's about treating your partner the way you would like to be treated.

It's important to treat your partner with the same kindness that you would give your very best friend. You start with the little things - listening from the heart and being respectful and thoughtful. Being kind means asking permission, when appropriate, and saying "I'm sorry" when you're wrong or when you make a mistake.

People are like mirrors of one another. For the most part, we get back that which we put out.

The feeling of love is contagious. When your heart is open and you're busy sharing your love with others, you draw more love of all kinds in your direction.

When we are filled with loving feelings, whether those feelings are directed toward humans, animals, God, nature, or simply a love of life, we put ourselves in a position to attract love. When our heart is filled with love, and we are sharing that love, we become kinder, gentler, and more patient. Our perspective is enhanced and we become more satisfied.

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and, ultimately, your relationship is to know your own value, to feel secure that you are special, unique, and important. There isn't a person in this world who is just like you, and no one could take your place. Your contribution is important, and the gifts and value you bring to your relationship are significant and irreplaceable.

People need, thrive on, and appreciate compliments. We are also partially motivated by them. After all, if we don't know what our partner loves about us, it's far more difficult to please them.

When two people fall in love, they often become the center of each other's lives. They listen to and respect one another, and above all, they are compassionate. When one isn't feeling well, the other is by their side; when one is hurt - physically or emotionally - they share in the pain of their partner. They want to hear about each other's days and the experiences that have shaped their lives. They do so, not out of obligation, but out of love. It's seen as a privilege and a source of joy to hear each other's stories, to learn from one another and to share their experiences.

Without question, one of the simplest, most peaceful, and, we believe, most leveraged ways to maintain a loving connection is to practice the art of sitting together, in silence. This beautiful yet seldom used practice brings forth compassion for one another while simultaneously strengthening the bond between you.

Few couples, regardless of how many years they spend together, will set aside any time whatsoever to simply sit quietly together, without saying a word. Yet, this silent communication may be one of the most important things you can do together as a couple. It can also be one of the most powerful and effective ways to communicate.

The practice itself is remarkably simple. You simply sit next to one another in a quiet, comfortable location. You can hold hands if you wish, but that's entirely up to you. You then close your eyes and clear your minds as well as you can. Breathe together, slowly and peacefully. Just sit, quietly and lovingly. You can do this together for a few minutes or longer, if you so desire.

Something magical happens when two people who share a connection sit together in silence. Defenses tend to drop and hearts open wide. By the time you open your eyes, you'll feel more peaceful and loving - to one another as well as to yourselves.

Many of us have been taught that "communication" is critical in order to secure a good relationship - and this may be true. It's ironic, however, that one of the best and most loving ways to communicate is to do so without saying a word. So enjoy the silence, as well as the peace and warm feelings that come with it.

Ultimately, you and you alone are responsible for making yourself happy. When your life isn't working, you need to make changes or see things differently. You may have to make difficult choices, have painful or uncomfortable discussions, or compromise in some way - but you have to take responsibility for your own level of happiness. There isn't a relationship good enough to do it for you.

While your relationship is absolutely a top priority and your love of your partner is immense, you have the power and the ability to make yourself happy.....Your happiness isn't entirely dependent on your partner's acting in a very specific, predetermined way.

Nothing keeps a relationship fresh, alive, and nourishing than genuine feelings of gratitude. It is one of the primary ingredients of a mutually nurturing relationship.

Everyone loves to know (and hear) that they are appreciated and valued. In fact, when someone feels taken for granted, or underappreciated, resentment or apathy is usually not too far away. A lack of gratitude is a major factor in a relationship becoming stagnant and boring. Couples stop caring so much because they don't feel acknowledged and appreciated.

By being consitently grateful and by expressing your feelings of gratitude, you are reinforcing the fact that your relationship is a gift - which it is.

Are you aware of your partner's dreams - what he or she really wants out of life? Do you know what her secret fantasies are - what she sees herself doing, her ideal life, what would make her feel complete? Are you sure? Or are you simply assuming that you know? Have you asked?

Many people have virtually no idea, beyond the superficial, of what their partner's personal dreams really are. This tendency seems to increase in direct proportion to the length of a relationship. When you first fall in love, you zero in on your partner's dreams. As time goes by, however, they fade into the background, until at some point they all but disappear.

Obviously there are many aspects to a relationship. From the perspective of feeling connected, however, one of the most enjoyable and nourishing is the sharing - back and forth - of dreams. There is something so rich and pleasurable about telling someone your vision, what you'd like to do, where you would like to go, and the contributions you'd like to make. And when the person you're sharing with is "right there with you", sharing your dreams, truly listening with interest and respect, your dreams come alive and your shared expressions can be almost magical.

When a person feels comfortable sharing their dreams - when they are able to share them - there is a degree of safety, satisfaction, and aliveness that is felt and experienced.

There doesn't seem to be any way to get through life without saying some pretty stupid things. Unless you are unique, you're going to slip up every once in awhile - when you're tired, insecure, grumpy, or just in an old-fashioned bad mood. Every once in awhile, regardless of how nice a person you are or how pure your intentions, you're likely to say something insensitive, condescending, arrogant, mean-spirited, or just plain uncalled-for. The fact is, you're human.

But so is your partner! And humans make mistakes.

If you can make allowances for the fact that your partner, like you, is going to mess up every once in awhile, you'll have an edge that very few seem to enjoy. What's more, you're accepting attitude will virtually guarantee that the number of times this happens will be minimal.

When someone doesn't feel pressured to be perfect, the most common response is to lighten up, open the heart, and act more loving.

Some of us feel a little shy, awkward, or embarrassed when someone gives us a compliment. We might respond by lowering our head, blushing, or saying something to minimize the kind words.

It takes thoughtfulness, courage, and kindness to give someone a genuine, heartfelt compliment.

Jealousy stems from insecurity, and insecurity comes from feelings and thoughts of inadequacy. There seems to be two essential ingredients that will help you cast jealousy out of your life. First and foremost, it's important to accept the fact that there is always going to be someone out there who has something you do not - more money, better looks, greater charisma, a longer list of achievements, or whatever. So what? Good for them. Stop comparing yourself to others and you'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel about yourself.

Second, in your relationships, try to embrace the idea that one person will not fill all of your needs, nor will you fill all of theirs. And that's okay.

We are here to share our life energy with others; to grow and be nurtured, to nurture and grow. Sometimes that means having relationships and friendships of the opposite sex even though we are committed to our partner. I am, of course, speaking of platonic relationships. Allowing your partner to choose his or her friendships based not on gender, but on preference, is one of the greatest gifts you can give. You don't own your partner; you are merely fortunate to be chosen as the most special person in his or her life to spend time with.

One of the most life-affirming, love-enriching messages you can send to your loved one is the message, "I treasure you." When someone knows they are treasured, they feel important and valued. The best way to let someone know you treasure them is to tell them. Be sure to let your partner know, frequently, what you like about them. Be specific. If you like their smile, their laugh, something they do, whatever, let them know.