Attracting the Wrong Partner

Many times a woman will get involved with a guy and all her friends say, "Watch out." Yet she ignores the obvious indicators that he is not there for her. Instead of turning away, she longs to win his love. She is setting herself up to be hurt. To the extent that she is dependent on her passion fix, she is not attracted to the man who is genuinely interested in her and respectful of her.

This tendency to be attracted to someone who is not capable of giving us what we want is the direct result of getting involved too soon. When we take time to heal our hearts, we are automatically attracted to partners who are closer to what we want and need. When we are still holding on to hurt, we tend to attract or be attracted to people who will hurt us again. This principle of attraction is true for both men and women.

Another way some women push away love is by over-romanticizing. They read romantic novels, watch romantic movies, and then expect to experience this kind of romance in real life. These women hold out for it all. They want a man who is a good listener, but who also opens up and shares his feelings. He is rich and committed to his work, but he has plenty of time for her and romance. He is a fine upstanding member of the community, and yet he is a rebel. He is daring and likes to take risks, but is grounded and secure. He has many interestes and activities. He is his own person, unswayed by others, and yet he is always supportive of what she really wants. He is fiercely independent and autonomous, but he cannot live without her love. He is serious at the right times, but playfully spontaneous and entertaining at others. He is a tough, no-nonsense guy, but can also be compassionate and sensitive. He is everything good all rolled up in one person. When you read this list, I hope it becomes clear that this man doesn't exist.

Real romance does exist and is possible. It is not the result of being with a partner who has all these wonderful traits. Real romance occurs when we are able to nurture our partner's romantic needs. It does not require perfection at all. It does require that we learn and practice certain romantic skills. Most of all, it requires that we be in touch with our feelings. When a woman is not in touch with her feelings, of her feelings from a past relationship are unresolved, then it will not be enough no matter what her partner does. Unresolved past feelings cause men and women to be dissatisfied with what they have. Instead of wanting what is possible, we demand of our partners what is unrealistic and end up feeling disappointed.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more in a relationship. We also need to be satisfied with what we are getting. To the extent we are not grateful for what we have, we are still suppressing unresolved feelings. When our hearts are open, we are able to love and appreciate what we have and keep wanting more. Wanting more only becomes a problem when what we are expecting and wanting is impossible and unrealistic.

For a relationship to thrive, a woman needs support to feel feminine. There is nothing more important to make a woman feel feminine than someone who is there for her, someone who cares, and someone who can listen and understand what she is going through. What a woman needs today in a relationship is a man who will respect her feelings. Instead of being sensitive, he is sensitive to her feelings.

When a woman gives and gives to others but does not feel supported in her life, she will eventually become depressed. A woman's resistance to saying no often comes from unresolved feelings toward someone who said no to her needs. Since she knows the pain of her needs being rejected, she cannot bear rejecting another. If she has been abandoned, she doesn't want to abandon someone else. To change her pattern she will need to heal the unresolved hurt from her past.

When a woman is too selfless, it means that she was hurt by someone in her past, by someone who was too selfish, needy, demanding, or simply irresponsible. To develop a healthy sense of responsibility, she needs to feel her anger and forgive. She needs to feel her sorrow that she couldn't get what she wanted, but also to recognize that she was not responsible.

People need time to get to know each other. Love cannot grow when we smother in with too much intimacy too soon. It is unrealistic to expect any man to fulfill all of a woman's needs. To overcome her emotional neediness, a woman must make sure that she doesn't make a man the center of her life. It is a mistake to drop everything for an intimate relationship with a man. The love and support of her friends and family is just as important as the love of a man.

Don't make a man the center of your life. Return his calls but don't drop everything for him. Hold back from sharing all your feelings right away. Be careful not to rush things. Make sure that you are not waiting for his call. Keep busy in your life so you are not too needy. Be careful to not pursue a man more than he is pursuing you. It is his job to seduce you; it is your job to attract his interest.