Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Endless Search--Love is Not Enough

Men and women make the mistake of assuming that love is enough to make a relationship last. Sometimes two people love each other, but they are not right for each other. They may love each other a lot, but not enough to be married or stay married. Though certainly love is a prerequisite for a lasting and fulfilling relationship, love does not guarantee that a person is right for us. If one partner has to give up who they are to make the other happy, it cannot work.

Part of staying in love is liking the person we become while relating with out partner. Each relationship we have brings out a part of who we are. The right person will bring out the best in us. When two people who love each other are able to end their relationship with forgiveness, understanding that they just were not right for each other, they are able to be very good friends as long as they do not try to sustain an intimate romantic relationship. When we leave a relationship, we need to take time to remember the love we shared in the beginning. This is a very important part of resetting a broken heart.

A soul mate is not a perfect person. There is no such person. A soul mate is not perfect, but perfect for us. The realization that a woman is a man's soul mate happens after he takes time to get to know her. It is unrealistic to expect this recognition right away. It takes time for our hearts to open fully to one another. When love grows, then we just know one day if our partner is right for us. This recognition is not a mental assessment. It is a natural knowing. The right person for us is recognized by our souls, not by our mind.

Ideally we should use our minds to figure out how we can most effectively give and receive love and support. As we succeed in the dating process by using our minds, our hearts begin to open. With an open heart, our soul can then guide us to continue on or to break up. A soul mate is someone with whom in our heart or hearts we feel a longing to share our lives.

We often worry too much about picking the right partner. Although each woman is unique and special, what we can receive in any relationship has more to do with what we give than the person we are giving to. When our soul recognizes a mate, we are not recognizing a woman who is better than the others. We are recognizing someone with whom we can grow together in love for a lifetime.

When we recognize our soul mate, it feels as if we have found the one person with whom we are to share our lives. Because it is our soul's choice, it feels as though it was meant to be. Although recognizing our soul mate feels like destiny, it is still a choice.

If you grow in love, as you give to the relationship, then your heart can open more fully. When the heart is open, you gain the ability to know if this one is right for you.

Physical attraction disappears very quickly. Passion can only be sustained when the attraction we feel is based on something more than just a woman's physical appearance. A soul mate is someone we feel attracted to on all four levels of our being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. We are sexually attracted to her, we like her, we find her interesting, and we are inspired by her to be the most we can be. To experience a lifetime of love and not just a few weeks, months, or years, we must connect on all four levels.

If we want to be happy and well loved for a lifetime, the wise man doesn't judge a book by its cover. Focusing too much on the physical will never be satisfying for long.

It is naive to expect always to get along in a relationship or always to get everything you want. Every relationship has its up moments and its down moments. In a good relationship, couples work through their challenges and end up getting closer. They are able to look back and laugh about their frustrations and disappointments. Life is a balance of work and play. It is naive to expect a relationship to be any different.

Little Ways to Score Big Points With Women
  • Be affectionate and touch her several times a day
  • Listen with interest when she talks
  • Plan ahead and schedule regular romantic dates or getaways
  • Give her little compliments
  • Bring her flowers
  • Carry things for her
  • Help her with her responsibilities when she is tired
  • Offer to do helpful things without her having to ask
  • Write her little notes occasionally to leave a message
  • Encourage her to take time for herself

It is not the big things that keep a relationship from working, it is the little things. Although couples may get caught up fighting about the big things, it is really the successful delivery of the little things that allows a woman to give the man the love he needs to keep giving of himself.

It is important for a woman to feel a man's desire to sustain a healthy level of self-esteem. When a woman is involved in an exclusive relationship and her partner loses interest in her, it is almost inevitable that her self-esteem weakens.

Sex ideally should be an expression of feeling good and having something to share. A woman should not offer herself sexually in hopes of winning a man's commitment.

Saying no to a relationship that is clearly not right for us is powerful preparation for being able to find and recognize the right person in the future.

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