Sex and Self-Esteem

A woman may seek a man's affection and attention to feel worthy of love, particularly if she was romantically neglected in her last relationship. It's hard to feel good about yourself when the person you live with ignores you or takes you for granted. Although it is healthy to depend on a man for romantic stimulation, it is not healthy to depend on him to feel worthy of such affection. Ideally, she must first feel worthy within herself and then get a man's affection. If she feels worthy of love only after getting it, she will be too dependent on him.

It is far better for her to focus on healing her heart without depending on a man's attention or affection. For men and women, the basis of having a healthy relationship is first loving ourselves and feeling worthy of love. Then we will attract and be attracted to someone who can love us the way we deserve. When our sense of worthiness comes from within, we are ready to depend on another for love and support. When we have a strong sense of who we are, we can bond with another without losing a healthy sense of our worth.

A woman's new worth to a man is basically who she is and the love she has to share. He enjoys the many wonderful ways she may support him, but his real hunger is for her love. It is not just sex. As a relationship progresses, sex becomes a way for her to communicate her love to him, but certainly it is not the only way.

Sex is to men what marriage is to women. It is the highest reward of love. When a man cares about a woman, though he may want to have sex, he also wants to just spend time with her. When a woman cares for a man, she may ultimately want to marry him, but she also just enjoys being with him. If sex is not available, and a man cares for a woman, he will still want to take her out and share a nice time together. He is looking to give and receive affection not just because she will give him something later. He may be hoping for something later, but that is not the only motivation. By saying no to immediate sexual gratification, men and women get a chance to experience the real reason they are drawn together: the need to love.

Women who depend on a man to awaken their passion for living will continue to be disappointed. Women who find lasting love are not immediately aroused. The passion they eventually feel takes time to develop. A man may feel the sexual passion right from the beginning. Men are wired differently. They first feel their sexual attraction, and gradually it develops into affection and then interest. Women are wired to experience interest first, and then sexual attraction. Women are first turned on in their minds.