When trouble comes our way, emotions like fear, anger, remorse, disappointment, anxiety, sadness, discouragement, jealousy, and worry are not unusual. They are part of our human experience. If emotional responses were unusual, the Bible would not be filled with statements like, "Be anxious for nothing," "Cast all your cares on Jesus," "Fear not,""In anger do not sin," and "Do not worry about tomorrow."
Why does God say these things? Is He trying to chastise us or to make us feel guilty when we experience emotions? No; the reason He says, "Be anxious for nothing" is because He is the solution to anxiety, He tells us to "fear not" because He is the answer to fear.
So often when we experience problems and the emotional responses that accompany them we think we are the only one who has ever felt the way we do.
It's not unusual for a person to feel insecure in a new situation or feel awkward when attempting something new. At one time or another we have all felt this way.
Sooner or later, trouble visits everyone. Sometimes the trouble is of our own making. Other times it is caused by the work or decisions of others. Either way, the trials and tribulatons of life bring emotional pain. That is not unusual.
In our humanity, all of us are weak. That is why we usually respond negatively to our problems and become despondent, discouraged, and downhearted. We lose hope when we can't control life, people, or circumstances.
We are not going to eliminate our problems. Neither are we going to change the natural emotions we experience as a result of those problems. We are going to have to come to the truth that in and of ourselves, we are totally incapable of being strong on our own. We have no alternative other than to turn to the One who has overcome the world.
Maybe you live in anger because life seems unfair. Or you are worrying about not having enough income to pay your bills. Perhaps you know the fear of losin a loved one or the insecurity of an uncertain future.
Fear and worry are normal, but the world wants you to think that you are unusual when you experience those emotions. Be wary of worldly marketing efforts that say it is unusual to be fearful, depressed, or anxious. There is nothing unusual about these emotions. They are simply natural responses to adverse circumstances. There is nothing unusual about negative reactions to negative circumstances.
It is oftentimes the people you care about who can really hurt you. They are the only ones you let close enough to you so that you become vulnerable to their responses. The pain from rejection hurts, and there is not always instant relief.
There is only One who can take you through any adversity - Jesus Christ. You don't have to feel embarrassed or fearful about going to Him with a problem. It doesn't matter whether your difficulty is big or small. Ever man-made solution for finding peace in the midst of the storms of life is temporary at best. Always remember, peace is not the absence of trouble. Rather, it is the presence of God in the midst of trouble. His solution is permanent.
If we want to change our emotions, we must change our thinking. Our emotions have no intellect. They do not analyze whether or not the scene in our mind reflects something that is actually happening or if it is something we conjured up in our imagination. Our emotions simply respond. They cannot discern between fact or fantasy; truth or falsehood; or past, present, and future. Our emotions predicatbly respond to whatever we are thinking.
And whatever we are feeling, we can only feel it in the now. We cannot feel something yesterday, which is in the past. We can't feel something tomorrow, which is not here yet. The only time we can feel something is right now.
You may be dwelling on something that happened yesterday or long ago. You may be thinking about what might happen tomorrow. Or, you may be imagining something that may or may not happen. No matter what the case, your emotions cannot discern the difference. They simply respond as if what you were thinking is happening now. If you want to change how you feel, you have to change your thinking.
In many cases you can't change your circumstances, but you can decide how you will respond to them. You don't have to get angry. You don't have to plunge into depression. You do have a choice. You can continue to hold on to old attitudes, premises, hard feelings, or thinking habits that produce depression. Or, you can choose to allow God to transform your mind.
Our emotions, whether we are feeling anxious or happy, are working just fine and exactly as God designed them. It is our thinking that needs to be renewed if we are going to learn to live above our circumstances.
A person must choose, under the stresses of life, which influence he or she will depend upon.
Man's mind can be programmed either by the world's philosophies or by truth, which is God's Word. It's up to us which influence we will depend upone when facing life's problems. If we rely on ourselves to change our circumstances, or we try to control our situations and the people around us, we will find ourselves on what I call the "downward spiral to depression."
Depression is an emotional state of feeling sad, discouraged, and dejected or "down and out." There are many emotional symptoms that characterize a depressed state. Some of these might include:
- preoccupation with self
- fear and worry
- sadness
- loss of affection for others
- withdrawal from people and activities
- self-condemnation
- hopelessness
- at its worst, a desire to die
Sadness, even gloom, dominate a depressed person's perspective. Sometimes a person will disguise his or her depression by being sarcastic and tossing everything off with a joke. They use humor to mask their sadness. Others reveal their sadness by being touchy or on the verge of tears much of the time.
Left unchecked, such sadness turns into hostility. A depressed person will become irritable, especially towards those who are upbeat. In addtion, depressed people either grow anxious about everything or become indifferent to the world around them.
These emotional reactions may result in physical symptoms such as:
- self-abasing behavior (including no desire to eat or constant overeating)
- erratic sleep
- weight loss or gain
- apathy
- fatigue
- loss of sex drive
- illness
Sometimes depression is demonstrated through various channels of "escape," such as drug or alcohol abuse, sex, work, or fantasizing.
Depression always starts with improper thinking patterns made up of either unrealistic expectations or misplaced dependencies.
The degree of disappointment you experience from an adverse circumstance is directly related to the level of your unrealistic expectations or misplaced dependencies. In other words, the more unrealistic expectations you have, the greater your hurt and disappointment will be.
When we think, or expect, a circumstance to be one way or people to act a certain way, we will always be disappointed. Circumstances do not always turn out the way we think they should, and people do not always act the way we think they should.
Misplaced dependencies result when a person depends upon someone or something more than God for his or her happiness, self-worth, or meaning in life. Misplaced dependencies naturally follow unrealistic expectations.
Your true identity comes from God and how He sees you - not from how the world treats you.
Spiritually, we have need for unconditional love, acceptance, and meaning and purpose in life. These are the deepest needs of the human heart. God created us in such a way that He alone can meet those needs. If we do not depend upon Him to fulfill those needs, we will search endlessly for people or things to do for us what only God can do.
As long as you continue trying to control the circumstances of your life, you will respond to adverse circumstances in fear and anger and employ control mechanisms to protect yourself from further disappointment. We can categorize our control mechanisms into three areas: exhibitionism, clinging, and attack.
Exhibitionism includes reckless living, sexual promiscuity, profanity, gambling and so on. Another way we attempt to take control is through a temper tantrum. Withdrawal is often used as an effective control tool. The silent treatment. Another control mechanism is clinging. We see this in people who try to buy friendships. Clingers can't stand not being around others, so they "buy" friendships by giving the impression of being extremely helpful. People who cling to others cannot stand any sort of disapproval, so they try in every way to win other people's affections.
A third control mechanism is attack - lashing out at those whom we are afraid of losing. People do not forget easily how someone treats them. When you shame someone into loving you, that person will love you out of guilt and eventually will resent what you have done to him or her. In the end, instead of being drawn closer to you, he or she is repelled farther away.
Every person on earth experiences hardships in one form or another. Problems are a simple fact of life. Being a Christian doesn't give us an exemption from adversity, but it does offer us a way to respond that will prevent us from experiencing the paralyzing emotions that can accompany trials. Jesus promised an abundant life to those who believe in Him.
Let go of all your past attitudes, your past addictions, your past mistakes. They are all part of who you were, not who you are now. Grab on to who God says you are and enter into His presence with thanksgiving and praise!
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