How to Succeed at Being Yourself, Part 1

Most people really don't like themselves. If we don't get along with ourselves, we won't get along with other people. When we reject ourselves, it may seem to us that others reject us as well. Relationships are a large part of our lives. How we feel about ourselves is a determining factor in our success in life and in relationships.

Our self-image is the inner picture we carry of ourselves. If what we see is not healthy and according to Scripture, we will suffer from fear, insecurity and various types of misconceptions about ourselves. People who are insecure about themselves suffer in their mind and emotions, as well as in their social and spiritual lives.

Each of us has a destiny and should be free to fulfill it; however, that fulfillment will not happen as long as we are insecure and have a poor self-image. God never intended for us to feel bad about ourselves. He wants us to know ourselves well and yet accept ourselves.

Nobody knows us as well as God does. Yet, even though He knows us and everything about us, including all our faults, He still approves of us and accepts us. He does not approve of our wrong behavior, but He is committed to us as individuals. God can hate what you do and yet love you; He has no trouble keeping the two separated.

Self-rejection and even self-hatred are the root causes of many relationship problems. God wants us to have great relationships. God's Word instructs us to have good relationships, but it also teaches us how to develop and maintain those relationships.

Receiving is a big issue. When we receive from God, we actually take into ourselves what He is offering. As we receive His love, we then have love in us. Once we are filled with God's love, we can begin loving ourselves. We can also begin giving that love back to God and bestowing in on other people. Always remember: We cannot give away what we don't have!

We all need to ask ourselves what we are doing with the love of God that has been freely given to us. Are we rejecting it because we don't think we are valuable enough to be loved? Do we believe God is like other people who have rejected and hurt us? Or are we receiving His love by faith, believing that He is greater than our failures and weaknesses?

It never occurred to me that I even had a relationship with myself. It was just something I never thought of until God began teaching me in these areas. I now realize that I spend more time with myself than with anyone else, and it is vital that I get along well with me.

You are the one person you never get away from.

We all know how agonizing it is to work day after day with someone we don't get along with, but at least we don't have to take that person home with us at night. But we are with us all the time, day and night. We never have one minute away from ourselves, not even one second - therefore, it is of the utmost importance that we have peace with ourselves.

It seemed to me that I had always had difficulties in relationships and I really did not know why. I could not find people that I liked and enjoyed who also felt the same way about me. Through God's help I finally realized what the problem was: I was trying to give away something that I did not have.

Many times we know what our problem is, but we cannot seem to find the right answer to it. On the other hand, we often discover an answer in God's Word, but we really don't know what our problem is. God wants to reveal to us the nature of our true problems and the answer to those problems that are found in His Word. When we make the right connection between them, when we hook up the right problem with the right revelation - the devil is on his way out, and freedom is on its way in.

If nobody else loves us, we don't see why we should love ourselves. If others don't love us, we think we must not be worth loving.

We may be flawed by the years and the unfortunate experiences we have undergone, but that does not mean we are worthless and good for nothing but the trash can.

We must have the kind of love that says, "I can love what God can love. I don't love everything I do, but I accept myself, because God accepts me." We must develop the kind of mature love that says, "I know I need to change, and I want to change. In fact, I believe God is changing me daily, but in the meanwhile I will not reject what God accepts. I will accept myself as I am right now, knowing that I will not always remain this way."

Once we receieve God's love and begin to love and accept ourselves, it greatly improves our relationship with Him. Until we accept His love, the cycle is incomplete. We can love Him only because He first loved us.

Insecurity and feelings of unworthiness keep us from being able to receive very well. We may feel that we must earn or deserve everything we get. God's plan is this: He wants us to receive His love, love ourselves in a balanced and godly way, generously love Him in return, and finally love all the people who come into our lives. We have failed to follow that plan for years. We are not even loving others with our own love, much less with God's love. Remember, we did not have any love with which to love anyone until God first loved us!

Rejecting ourselves does not change us, it actually multiplies our problems. Acceptance causes us to face reality and then begin to deal with it. We cannot deal with anything as long as we are refusing to accept it or denying its reality. People who reject themselves do so because they cannot see themselves as proper or right. They only see their flaws and weaknesses, not their beauty and strength. We need to agree with God that when He created us, He created something good.

Change requires correction - people who do not know they are loved have a very difficult time receiving correction. Correction does no good at all if it is not received. In order for God to change us, He must correct us. We won't receive His correction properly if we don't have a revelation concerning His love for us. We may hear His correction and even agree with it, but it will only make us feel angry or condemned unless we know it is ultimately going to bring about the change that is needed in our life.

We cannot trust unless we believe we are loved. To grow up in God and be changed, we must trust Him. Often He will lead us in ways that we cannot understand, and during those times we must have a tight grip on His love for us.

Accept God's love for you and make that love the basis for your love and acceptance of yourself. Receive His affirmation, knowing that you are changing and becoming all that He desires you to be. Then start enjoying yourself - where you are - on your way to full spiritual maturity.

God has a good plan for each one of us, but not all of us experience it. Many times we live far below the standard that God intends for us to enjoy. A poor self-image causes us to operate in fear instead of faith. We look at what is wrong with us instead of what is right with Jesus. No matter what God has planned for us, we will never experience it unless we get into agreement with Him.

God does not have a bad attitude toward you - you should not have one toward yourself! Shake off the past and set your sights on the future. Almost every one of us could use some improvement is our self-image. It takes time to grasp the hope for ourselves that God has for us. It is so wonderful and comforting to know that when everyone else only sees our faults, God still sees our possibilities.

In the Bible we find that when people were in trouble, God met them where they were and helped them. Thank God He does not wait for us to manage to get to Him - but He comes to us! The Lord did not wait for me to get all fixed up before He got involved with me. He started with me where I was then and has been responsible for getting me to where I am today. I am convinced that He will do the same for you.

God often makes miracles out of mistakes. Each of us has a destiny, and there is absolutely no excuse not ot fulfill it. We cannot use our weakness as an excuse, because God says that His strength is made perfect in weakness. We cannot use the past as an excuse because God tells us through the Apostle Paul that if any person is in Christ, he is a new creature, old things have passed away, and all things have become new.

How God sees us is not the problem, it is how we see ourselves that keeps us from succeeding. Each of us can succeed at being everything God intends us to be.

A walk is something taken one step at a time. This is an important thing to remember. Keep walking the walk.

We have been considering how to have a good self-image. One way we do that is by realizing that we have not arrived at perfection, that we have some growing to do, but that in the meantime we ae OK. It is true that we have to keep pressing on, but thank God we don't have to hate and reject ourselves while we are trying to get to our destination.

Here are a few thoughts that reflect a wholesome, God-centered self-image:

1. I know God created me, and He loves me.
2. I have faults and weaknesses, and I want to change. I believe God is working in my life. He is changing me bit by bit, day by day. While He is doing so, I can still enjoy myself and my life.
3. Everyone has faults, so I am not a complete failure just because I am not perfect.
4. I am going to work with God to overcome my weaknesses, but I realize that I will always have something to deal with; therefore, I will not become discouraged when God convicts me of areas in my life that need improvement.
5. I want to make people happy and have them like me, but my sense of worth is not dependent on what others think of me. Jesus has already affirmed my value by His willingness to die for me.
6. I will not be controlled by what people think, say or do. Even if they totally reject me, I will survive. God has promised never to reject me or condemn me as long as I keep believing.
7. No matter how often I fail, I will not give up, because God is with me to strengthen and sustain me. He has promised never to leave me or forsake me.
8. I like myself. I don't like everything I do, and I want to change - but I refuse to reject myself.
9. I am right with God through Jesus Christ.
10. God has a good plan for my life. I am going to fulfill my destiny and be all I can be for His glory. I have God-given gifts and talents, and I intend to use them to help others.
11. I am nothing, and yet I am everything! In myself I am nothing, and yet in Jesus I am everything I need to be.
12. I can do all things I need to do, everything that God calls me to do, through His Son Jesus Christ.

Here are some additional suggestions to help you develop and maintain a balanced attitude and a healthy self-image.

• Always reject and hate your sin, but don't reject yourself.
• Be quick to repent.
• Be honest with God and yourself, about yourself.
• When God give you light, don't fear it.
• Stop saying negative, downgrading things about yourself, but don't boast either.
• Don't have an exaggerated opinion of your own importance, but don't think you are insignificant.
• Don't always assume when things go wrong that it is your fault. But don't be afraid to admit it, if you are wrong.
• Beware of having yourself on your mind too much. Don't meditate excessively on what you have done right or wrong. Both of these activities keep your mind on you! Keep your thoughts centered on Christ and His principles.
• Take good care of yourself physically. Do the best you can with what God gave you to work with - but don't be excessive or vain about your appearance.
• Learn all you can, but don't allow your education to become a point of pride. God does not use us because of our education, but because of our heart toward Him.
• Realize that your gifts and talents are a gift, not something you have manufactured yourself. Don't look down on people who cannot do what you can do.
• Don't despise your weaknesses - they keep you dependent on God.

Change does not come through struggle, human effort without God, frustration, self-hatred, self-rejection, guilt or works of the flesh. Change in our lives comes as a result of having our minds renewed by the Word of God. As we agree with God and really believe that what He says is true, it gradually begins to manifest itself in us. We begin to think differently, then we begin to talk differently, and finally we begin to act differently. This is a process that develops in stages. Enjoy yourself while you are changing. Enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going. Enjoy the journey!

How can we succeed at being ourselves if we don't know ourselves? Life is like a maze sometimes, and it is easy to get lost. Everyone, it seems, expects something different from us. There is pressure coming at us from every direction to keep others happy and meet their needs. We put a large amount of emotional and mental energy into studying the important people in our lives and trying to decide what they want from us. We then attempt to become what they want us to be. In the process, we may lose ourselves. We may fail to discover what God wants, or what His intention is for us. We may try to please everyone else and yet not be pleased ourselves.

Are you frustrated from trying to meet all the demands of other people while feeling unfulfilled yourself? If so, you will have to take a stand and be determined to find yourself and then succeed at being yourself. If you buy into the world's strategy, something will be screaming at you from every side. Have you ever felt that you could not be everything that everybody wanted you to be? Have you ever known deep down inside that you really needed to say "no" to a lot of people - but the fear of displeasing them had your mouth saying, "I'll try," while your heart was screaming, "I can't do it!"

Insecure people say "yes," when they really mean "no." Those who succeed at being themselves don't allow others to control them. They are led by their heart, not by the fear of displeasing others or being rejected by them. We cannot get angry with people because they place demands on us. It is our responsibility to order our lives. We need to know our identity, our direction and our calling - God's will for us. We must make the decisions that will keep us pressing toward our goals. We must be focuses individuals with purpose.

Of course, there are times in life when all of us do things we would rather not do. We do things for others because we love them, and we should do that. But in doing so, we are still being led by God's Spirit to walk in love and make a sacrifice for someone else's benefit or welfare. This is entirely different from being controlled and manipulated by other people's demands and expectations.

We are all different. Like the sun, the moon and the stars, God has created us to be different from one another, and He has done it on purpose. Each of us meets a need, and we are all part of God's overall plan. When we struggle to be like others, not only do we lose ourselves, but we also grieve the Holy Spirit. God wants us to fit into His plan, not to feel pressured trying to fit into everyone else's plans. Different is OK; it is alright to be different. We all have limitations, and we must accept them. That is not bad; it is just a fact. It is wonderful to be free to be different, not to feel that something is wrong with us because we are different.

We should be free to love and accept ourselves and one another without feeling pressure to compare or compete. Secure people who know God loves them and has a plan for them are not threatened by the abilities of others. They enjoy what other people can do, and they enjoy what they can do.

If we are really liberated, then we are free to be who we are - not who someone else is! That means we are free to do what God has for us to do, not what we see someone else doing. God wants us looking to Him for answers and direction, not running to and depending on other people. This does not mean that we cannot learn from each other, but we do need to stay balanced in this area. I learned that no matter how much I may want to do what someone else is doing, I cannot do it unless God wills and anoints it for me. He might have a different plan for me. I have to accept that or I will be frustrated all my life.