Surviving Disappointment

Disappointment is inevitable. That's because life can never consistently live up to our expectations. Life certainly doesn't always turn out the way we imagine it will.

Often our greatest times of disappointment come when someone fails us, or we at least feel that they have. People can hurt us deeply. Sometimes they know what they are doing, while other times they're only doing the best they know how to do with the tools they have. In either case, the level of fulfillment and happiness we experience in our lives doesn't depend on other people; it depends on God.

The ultimate success or joy of our life should not depend on them. We don't have to prolong suffering over what others do or don't do to us, because ultimately our reward is in God's hands.

Even when we have to bear the consequences for the wrong choices we've made, God is still on our side. How wonderful it is to know that even in a darkness of our own creation, God is still there and so is His light. Even in our greatest depth of failure, God brings good out of it as long as we reach humbly to Him.

We make a mistake in expecting too much from ourselves, other people, and life, when our expectations should be from God.

God often allows hard things to happen in our lives in order to bless us in some way. If we are willing to allow for that possibility in everything that happens, it saves us from being devastated by people and situations that are ultimately going to be used for God's glory.

When disappointing things happen to you, ask God to help you discern His truth about what you are experiencing. Ask Him to reign in the situation instead of your feelings. It's easy to go with anger or hurt, but far more rewarding to find God's blessing in the situation instead.

When you experience disappointment, do not run into the arms of bitterness or unforgiveness. Run to your Father's arms instead so He can hold and sustain you. If you will maintain a humble, submitted, faithfilled, expectant heart, you will see God's goodness manifest in the midst of all that's happening to you. He will use this experience to bring you closer to Him, and your greatest treasure will be a deep sense of His presence. He will make things right, and He is the only one who can. Remember that no matter how dark times of disappointment become, God is still your light. Walk in the light He gives you.

Any kind of relationship can bring pain. Relationships are very important to each of us. We can't live without them. Nor were we ever inteneded to. God never planned for us to live entirely separate from other people.

Much of what God wants to work in us will come about as we grow in our relationships with the people God puts in our lives.

Every relationship requires a sacrifice. Every sacrifice has a reward. If we knew the rewards, we wouldn't hesitate to make the sacrifices. Part of the sacrifice we must pay in a relationship is laying down our pride and our needs. We need to be loved, cared for, valued, and respected, but we never get those needs met when we demand them. We get them met when we give them up.

Humbling ourselves and putting the other person's needs before our own can resurrect a relationship that has suffered mortal wounds.

Marriage, especially, has the greatest potential for deep emotional injury and by far the stiffest requirements for sacrifice. That's because the person who knows us best can hurt us most.

Problems in any marriage require a special portion of God's grace and revelation for each moment. We must ask God every day to take all our hopes, expectations, dreams, and disappointments, and give us more of His love, patience, kindness, and a willingness to sacrifice.

Staying on the right path in any relationship means getting rid of excess baggage that keeps us from seeing the light. Unforgiveness and jealousy are examples of such baggage. These negative attitudes will drive a wedge into any relationship. The dark moments of relationships can be kept to a minimum if we humble ourselves before God and ask Him to walk us step by step through every layer of unforgiveness and jealousy. It's a sacrifice that always brings a great reward.

The best way to protect all of your relationships is to make sure your primary relationship is with the Lord. Then commit each of your relationships to God and ask Him to be Lord over all of them. Cover them in prayer and seek God's hand of reconciliation where it needs to happen. Even though we can do a great deal to offer our love and forgiveness to other people, only God can soften their hearts enough for them to receive it. Ask Him to do that too.

If you are having trouble with a particular person who is causing you to feel so much pain that it incapacitates you, release him or her to God and allow the Lord to take the relationship away if He so chooses. He may need to do that for just a season if something needs to be worked in each of you individually that can't happen when you are together. If that relationship is to be restored again, He will restore it on His terms. If not, you can trust that it was not meant to be a part of your life. If that person is never to have the place in your life that you want him or her to have, don't try to hang on and make it happen. Relationships only work when the Lord is in charge of them.

In ironing out the wrinkles in relationships, I find it's best to remember two things - release people and cling to God. The stronger your relationship is with the Lord, the better your other relationships will be. The dark moments of any relationsip can strengthen your walk with the Lord as you draw closer to Him. So make Him the focus of your attention, and trust Him to shine a special light at the crossroads of where your path intersects with the path of another person.